Do you remember the part on the
classic “Fiddler on the Roof” where Tzeitel gets married and there is a
terrible demonstration by the Russian soldiers? As the soldiers continue to
destroy property throughout the village, the family sadly starts cleaning the
broken mess of the wedding reception. In
the last moments before the intermission, Tevye looks up towards God as if to
say “What the crap was that?” I have
never experienced such a thing as was portrayed on that movie as the soldiers
wreaked havoc on the village, but I know that such things happen. I am so grateful to live in a time where I
can practice my religion and live my life according to my beliefs. However, there have been times this year when
in a small way, I can relate to the look on Tevye’s face.
While there were still many magical moments, this past December
was a tough month. As the association
between the church and scouts was coming to an end, there was a massive amount
of boys (and their moms) who pushed through to get the Eagle Scout rank. It was an awesome sight to see, but it also
made for very busy days. While many of
the people who came in were polite and delightful to work with, as the end of
the year got closer, it seemed I couldn’t get through the day without somebody
getting upset and proclaiming that they were so glad the church was leaving and
couldn’t wait for everything to be over.
I tried to believe that they didn’t know what that did to my heart. They didn’t understand the worry that
pervaded my little office about the future of our jobs. I was also very busy, writing a Christmas
program, doing Young Women activities, working at the temple, amidst other
December projects. There were some
personal things going on too. Christmas was a wonderful respite, but by the end
of the month I felt worn-out, anxious, and broken.
I
prayed desperately for relief and it just seemed like things kept getting
worse. My car was hit by another car. I
had problems with a friend. I was down twice with terrible stomach issues and came
down with a cold which caused pleurisy issues again. On my way home one night, I decided to stop at
DI to look around for a minute. I had a
lot of fun and came out with a new outfit.
I felt peaceful and happy. I
started driving away and within a few minutes, I knew something was wrong. I had a full tank of gas but my gauge read
empty. The speedometer was going crazy
and suddenly the power steering went out.
I pulled over to the side of the road and called my dad. Both my parents were at a baseball game and
didn’t pick up their phones. It was
dark, my car wasn’t working, and I was stranded. But…strangely, the feeling of peace didn’t go
away. I was calm and had a feeling that
everything was going to be okay. I knew
that was the Holy Ghost helping me. The next Saturday my dad and my neighbor worked
on my car and put a new battery in. The
problem was gone and I was overjoyed. I
prayed with gratitude for God’s help.
But when I went to go to work that next Monday, it was doing the exact
same thing. Over the next few days, they
worked on it and the problem was gone.
My dad drove it to work and I gleefully drove it home, stopping to get a
treat to celebrate and rejoice that the problem was really fixed. Only the next day…it wasn’t. This happened several times over the next month. We tried several things. After one experiment that left the car
working, before I left for work I asked my mom to pray with me that the car
would work. It did and I drove to work
and back gratefully and with no problems.
The next morning, I asked my mom to pray with me again…and the car had
the same problem. It was about this time
that I started having problems with a tooth, which brought a lot more
troubles.
One night I broke down at the kitchen table, telling my dad that I
knew Heavenly Father is real, I knew He loves me, but I had no idea what He was
doing and it felt like He was far away.
Shortly after that moment, I read something that Al Carraway wrote and
it really struck me. “Listen, I know sometimes life can get crazy
or scary or overwhelming or confusing but—your faith and hope and efforts are
not in vain. All of this isn’t just
wishful thinking, it’s real. Real-life strengths, real-life promises, real-life
God. Take time to step back from what makes logical
human sense & remember that our God is much greater than all that. We have
a God who is oh so good. He is good because He keeps His promises. Wherever you
are and whatever you may be navigating, just remember, God’s promises to us are
not only fulfilled, but magnified. Do not let time and trials dim your faith or
diminish the truthfulness of His promises to you. Because OHHH what a feeling it is when we see
these phases through & realize that the best things can only come from
sticking with God at all times & in all things.” At the end of her thought she quoted this thought “When I can’t see the hand of God, I should
trust his heart. I know what kind of
heart he has. It felt like a message
that was inspired just for me. I had a
choice. Amidst all the craziness, and
the uncertainty of the future, amidst all fears and unknowns, I could choose to
trust God’s heart. I had made that
choice many times before and wanted to do it again. My prayers became
different. My focus wasn’t the
resolution of my problems, but an added expression of trust and a plea for my
patience and faith to be strengthened. I
focused on all of the times in my life I had recognized God’s hand and came up
with clear moments, spiritually concrete evidence that I was not alone. Even in the moments when I still couldn’t
feel it, I chose to show up because more than anything, I wanted to stick with
God at all times and in all things. I paid specific attention to all that was
good; all that brought peace. I prayed
gratitude for those things and for all the others, including an aching tooth,
and a car that wouldn’t make up its mind if it wanted to stay fixed or
not.
One night I was delivering something to a friend and
she mentioned a car repairman who was very reliable and fixed the electrical
problems with their car. We took my car
over and he worked on it. The problem
seemed solved and…then it wasn’t.
Finally the diagnosis was that the car computer needed to be replaced. He found a great deal on the computer and
installed it. Finally, the problem was
completely solved…although it took about a week before I really felt secure
that it was. Looking back, I feel so
grateful for the lessons I learned during that time. One lesson was that I had this whole
preconceived plan on how things were going to work out, the way Heavenly Father
was going to help me. When that didn’t
happen, I felt alone and a little angry.
My expectations weren’t bad, only like a child who wants the sucker
right now, when the promise of dessert is in the future if I’ll just wait until
dinner. Everything would be okay, just
like I felt that night. Heavenly Father
had prepared the way and until that time, I would learn a lot about patience
and trust, and a little more about the maintenance of cars. The added faith, trust, patience, and ability to
see the good was something I needed very much as the pandemic hit and I lost my
job. I am so grateful.
A few weeks ago, I was up during the night due to my
dog whining in the kitchen. I came in to
a scene from a horror movie. He had
scratched an irritated and infected bubble on his eye and there was a lot of
blood. My first thought was “Heavenly Father, please help me. I don’t know what
to do.” I felt comforted and specifically instructed throughout the long night
as I took care of him. Yesterday I went
to the Rexburg area for a wedding reception and stopped at the Blackfoot
Wal-Mart to walk around for a minute and stretch out my foot that has giving me
some trouble. As I headed into Wal-Mart,
the pain became intense and during one of the aisles, I just had to stop
because every step I took caused shooting pains through my foot. My phone was in the car. I couldn’t call anyone. “Heavenly Father, please help me.” I said. “I
want to get to this reception so badly. Help me to know what to do.” Almost
instantly, the pain subsided. I walked
over to the pharmacy praying for instructions on what I would need. I felt clear instructions in my mind on what
to do and I was able to continue on with no other problems. Sometimes the answers are instant. Sometimes they are not. I imagine that I will have other “Tevye”
moments in my life, looking towards Heaven and thinking “What the crap was
that?” But…I know that God is our Father.
I know He knows much more than I do.
He always has a plan for our happiness. I know He may not fix a problem
immediately or ever, but He can ALWAYS consecrate our troubles for our
good. I really hope for the rest of my
life whenever I am in trouble, my first thought will always be “Heavenly
Father, please help me. I don’t know what to do.” I do know that the best
things always come, when we stick with God through all times and in all things.
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