Sunday, January 20, 2019

The Tale of the Oregon Christmas Tree


The plan was so wonderfully illogical, and I absolutely loved it.   My brother Adam, his wife Savannah and I were all having a wonderful vacation in our La Grande home just a few days before Christmas, 2018. It was Adam’s first time being back in over a decade and Savannah’s first time being there.   Saturday was Adam’s birthday and when I asked him what he wanted to do, he said he wanted to give Savannah the true Oregon experience and for the three of us to get a permit and drive up into the mountains and cut down a Christmas tree, like we used to when he was little. 

The perfect start to the day was our aunt making Adam a special birthday breakfast. Our aunt Max is a force of nature.  She is like having a favorite aunt, best friend, and fairy godmother all at once. When we lived in La Grande, cousin sleepovers were a common occurrence. For a special breakfast treat, Max would often make aebleskivers, which we always called able-skaybbles.  I was delighted when I heard Max was making able-skaybbles for Adam’s birthday breakfast.  Our cousin Kara came over with her husband John and their beautiful baby girl who is all smiles.  We all gathered around the beautifully set table, with Max’s Spode Christmas dishes and red cloth napkins and bright red candles.  Her dining room is so cozy and happy.  Behind the table, is my grandma’s hutch with all of her pretty china.  There are traces of my mother everywhere, as there are little quilts and Christmas decorations she’s given Max over the years.  We ate and ate the golden pancake puffs dipped in melted butter and then in snowy powdered sugar.  After breakfast, Kara and Adam went downstairs to play Super Smash Brothers, like they did when they were kids. 

Later on, Adam, Savannah and I piled into Uncle Mark’s truck and after obtaining one of the two last Christmas tree permits at the local store, we headed off into the mountains we know so well. Our family definitely has a history among the forests and the majestic Grande Ronde River.  I wondered if Adam too was thinking about the fishing trips and picnics, the 6th grade school field trip to gather wild flowers, and our yearly family trek to find the perfect Christmas tree.   It was great fun to see Savannah be so delighted.  It was clear this place had charmed its way into her heart. We stopped at a few places, getting out to tramp around in the snow and take a look at the trees.  Thankfully it was warmer there than in the valley and I enjoyed the walk through the snow, pausing to pick up little pinecones.  We looked at several trees, but…there was no magic, so we kept on going.  The world around us was so beautiful and quiet.  If it was only for the drive, it was worth it. And then…we saw it.  There were large majestic pine trees standing sentinel, and then just past them was a beautiful clearing with dozens and dozens of perfect Christmas trees, scattered all over little rolling hills.   Magic was most definitely in the air.

As we walked in, even before we started looking at trees, all three of us began to talk of about it as “our place” and make plans of coming back each year for a tree. The only footprints around were a myriad of animal tracks (nothing too big J) and it really did feel like we ourselves had discovered this place and it was somehow ours.  Savannah was thrilled and kept taking pictures to capture the loveliness that surrounded us.  The cold was refreshing, not harsh, as we looked at the different trees and hiked through the snow.  There was one particular spot that Savannah fell in love with and after I took their picture, a little patch of light caught Savannah’s eye in the distance and she said “How about that one?” You want to talk about magic, I am not kidding when I tell you that there was a small ray of sunshine highlighting our tree.  We hiked over to it and it was absolutely perfect.  It was beautiful, with just the right amount of fluffy branches filled with soft green needles.  We all agreed this was the one.  Adam took out the saw and looking so much like Dad, he sawed down the tree, giving Savannah her turn to saw and complete her perfect Oregon experience.  We took our treasure back to the road and as we left the beautiful clearing, Adam put a pin in the maps on his phone so we can find our place again.  Reason about #41,000 why I adore my brother: he named it “Christmas Tree Wonderland.”

We put the tree in the back of the truck and piled back into the cab, Savannah declaring that was one of the coolest things she’d ever done.  We listened to Christmas songs on our way back, delighting in the gift of the experience we’d just had.  The next day Adam and Uncle Mark tied that tree on top of Adam and Savannah’s little red car and we took it all the way back to Utah with us.  We put it up in our parent’s basement, decorating it together on Christmas Eve with dollar store decorations.  Before Adam and Savannah left to go home to Arizona, he sawed some of the branches off, taking a piece of the trunk because reason #41,0001 why I adore my brother, he planned to carve a nutcracker out of it.  I took the branches and put some in mason jars filled with vinegar to make homemade pine cleaner.  The fun of our special tree continues. 

Yes, it may have been illogical for us to go into the Oregon mountains to chop down a Christmas tree and then drive all the way back to Utah with it, two days before Christmas.  But in a world where the message is so often to simplify, cut back, “let’s not and say we did,” etc., I worry that sometimes we forget that the special things have their place too.  Our special day will always be one of my favorite Christmas memories now.  It was the perfect way to celebrate my Christmas-loving brother and to bring a little magic to all of us.

Image may contain: 3 people, including Beth Blake and Adam Savannah Blake, people smiling, people standing, tree, hat, outdoor, nature and closeup

Sunday, January 13, 2019

The Tale of the Four Word Message from Elder Holland I Desperately Needed.



December of  2017 was a difficult month, far more than I actually let on to anyone.  I was dealing with a new full-time work schedule and trying to write two Christmas programs.  Our family was going through some tough times.  After dealing with an additional disappointment that shook me up, I decided I needed to take a trip to my Oregon home for a few days.  The night before I left, I had one of scariest nights of my life and another terrible disappointment. The day I got back from my trip, my brother and his wife suffered a devastating loss and a big change I had been expecting but dreading happened, further shaking my world.

Christmas and all of its delights came and I felt happier and more at peace.  But as the Christmas magic ended, and the lights around me and inside me started to go out, my troubles started to haunt me again.  I had the chance to spend a Saturday evening by myself at the end of the month and I had plans to rest and replenish.  But again I was disappointed as I spent past midnight dealing with an ugly situation.  As I laid in bed that night, my mind spinning and my heart hurting.  I felt lost, confused, and so very tired of everything. The next morning was Sunday.  I had a choice.  I could go to church or I could stay home and spend a few precious hours to myself I felt I desperately needed. There was no one at my house who would care if I went to church or not.  “Surely God would understand this one time,” I thought to myself.  Surely He knew that I could use some time alone and would not mind if I skipped just this once. 

I went back and forth a lot the next morning and in the end, I don’t know really what it was that got me to church.  Yes, I do believe that God would have understood had I chosen to stay home, but more importantly, He was aware of me and what I needed and He knew that I needed much more than bath bubbles and a good book.  During Sacrament Meeting, I felt the Spirit but still felt distracted, like I was half-there.  After Sacrament Meeting, I walked down the hall to Sunday School, smiling at my friends as I passed by, but inside I was still hurting.  That year we were studying Doctrine and Covenants and as the last lesson of the year, the Gospel Doctrine teachers were assigned to teach on a talk Jeffrey R. Holland gave about Joseph Smith’s experience in Liberty Jail.  I listened as the teacher talked about Joseph’s trials that refined him and the beautiful revelations that came from that terrible time.  While my trials were nothing compared to Joseph’s, I felt a connection with and a gratitude for Joseph in a way I hadn’t before.  At the end of the lesson, the teacher played a recording of Elder Holland’s concluding testimony.  It was a typical Elder Holland testimony, full of beautiful encouraging and inspiring words, spoken with his classic fervor.  I listened intently and then I heard these words:

“In the words of the Liberty Jail prison-temple, my young friends: Hold on thy way.  Fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.”

Suddenly it felt like the other people in the room had disappeared.   I felt as though Elder Holland was there, kneeling down in front of me and looking me directly in the eyes delivering to me the exact message  I needed. “Hold on thy way.” Four words that struck with such power and love, that I find myself tearing up writing about it now.  I knew that Heavenly Father was aware of my circumstances and He wanted me to continue on, just as I am, relying on the Savior to help strengthen me and guide me. 

As a youth and a leader, I have said the words to the Young Women theme many, many times.  But after that experience, I saw things differently when I thought about the value of integrity.  I have always thought about integrity in the sense of being honest, and true to what you know to be right.  But I think integrity is also being true to who you are, just as you are with all of the wonderful gifts you have to bless others, and all the weaknesses you have, ready to be turned into strengths through the Atonement.  As one of my favorite quotes says, “The world is collapsing, but that doesn’t mean our own world has to collapse to make up for it.  When everything seems to be lacking in integrity, do you know what you do? You find it in yourself.  You change the world, right from where you are standing.”

In the past year since that experience, those four words have rung out from my heart many times.  They have become my personal motto, a “Title of Liberty” to remind me of my purpose when my world does feel like it is collapsing.  As my friend Rachel Macy Stafford would say, “My friends, whether we are facing life’s small mysteries or gigantic ones, whether we are facing mysteries for ourselves, our loved ones, our the world in it’s troubling state, I am certain this is how we must deal.  We must…

Carry on
Bake on
Sing on
Decorate on
Strum on
Praise on
Pray on
Dance on
Love on
Believe on
Twinkle on
Inhale on
Exhale on…

Because when we do, our people are thankful we joined in.
Because we do, we see, smell and taste beautiful things we may have missed.
Because when we do, angst diminishes and hope swells.”

I know that as we turn to God, we can be blessed with the strength, fortitude and joy to "hold on our way" rejoicing that "Heaven is cheering us on today, tomorrow and forever!"