This was such a wonderful experience. Elder Bednar was the president of BYU-I when I was there and I have such a great love and respect for him. I was friends with his wife too while I was there and it was delightful to see and hear from her in the videos that accompanied these books. These books are truly inspired. They build on each other and connect together in a way that is beautiful to experience. In the first two, there are designated DVD segments throughout the book where you stop reading and listen to Elder Bednar talking. In the last book, the DVD comes with an interview and several discussions with different groups of LDS individuals (i.e. there is one with women, couples, etc.) I loved each of the DVD's. Elder Bednar is profound and is such a great teacher and is also gentle and inviting. The pages of the book have large margins specifically designed for note-taking. After each chapter, there is a work book type section where you answer some questions and "act" as Elder Bednar counsels throughout the entire series. I am so blessed to have been able to read these books and experience the change of heart I felt from the Holy Ghost as I read, listened, and acted.
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Monday, April 24, 2017
Don't Miss Out on Your "Elephant Rides" and Other Lessons I Learned from my First Solo Trip to Salt Lake City
One of my earliest memories is of going to the circus with my dad and sister. I don’t remember much, but remember being so excited when it was announced that they were offering a ride on an elephant at the end of the show. I remember running with my sister to get in line behind a gate and when the gate opened, Jenni ran fearlessly towards the elephant but after seeing him up close, I got too scared. The gate closed and the ride started. Now, I realize that it was a perfectly natural thing for a little girl to be afraid of but even at that age as I stood behind the gate and watched from a safe distance, I had the sense that I was missing out on something I really wanted to do because I was too afraid. Over the course of my life, there have been “elephant rides” along the way, opportunities and special moments that have also frightened me when I get closer and see them looming up before me. Sometimes I have stayed back and watched at a safe distance. Sometimes I have walked through the gate to meet them. One such experience happened a few weeks ago over conference weekend.
I had received an invitation from my best friend to come to the Salt Lake area for a family gathering to watch her son be ordained to the Priesthood and then for a potluck lunch afterwards. It sounded wonderful because they live out of state and I don’t get to see them very often. There would be so many people there whom I love dearly and it would be such fun to be able to spend a special evening with them. There was only one problem. I am very afraid of driving on busy freeways and while I have done it other places, I had never driven on Salt Lake City freeways because they particularly frightened me. There was just no way it could happen. The bus was out of the question and I hated to ask my dad to be chauffer and drive me all the way there. But I really missed my friends and kept thinking about how wonderful it would be to see them and be there to see something special happen to this awesome kid I’ve known all his life. Maybe…just maybe, I could drive. For a few days before the event, I went back and forth about it and then one night I thought about that missed opportunity for an elephant ride so long ago. I was tired of missing out on things I wanted in life because I was too afraid. And then I had an image in my mind from when I was a little girl, of my mom facing one of her fears. I had known then that she was afraid but she showed up anyway. Suddenly I felt the Holy Ghost in my heart speaking to me. “That is the legacy you have. You come from people who show up anyway, even when they are afraid.” I knew then that I needed to face my fear and make the drive. It wasn’t just about seeing my friends anymore and having a good time with them. There was a much more important reason.
The night before the ordination, I put the address in the MapQuest program online and carefully studied the directions. All the different names for freeways, highways and exits caused my anxiety to rise again. It was a different language and it made me feel lost before I had even left home. Then that next morning, I was getting ready for the day and I felt another impression from the Holy Ghost. “Bingham High School.” I didn’t understand at first, but then it hit me. Of course! I knew how to get to Bingham High School! It was a point of reference that I was familiar with. I would concentrate on getting there, then put the address in for the ordination and go from that point. The fact that it was raining as I left Cache Valley did not help my anxiety but by now I was sure this was something that I needed to do. I was nervous, but got through Salt Lake City alright until I came to an exit that I thought was the right one and by the time I realized that it wasn’t, I was off going in the opposite direction. My first instinct was to panic but then I realized that I still had the directions on my phone and all I had to do was pull over and my phone would recalibrate the directions based on my current location. It worked, I got back on my way and I ended up at Bingham High School. I felt such relief as I started to see things that were familiar to me from my childhood. I had a lot of time before the ordination began so I decided to take go the extra 10 miles or so down to Riverton where we used to live. It was delightful. I stopped at my old elementary school and junior high. I saw my old house and stopped and talked for a few minutes with my beloved former young women leader who is also one of the dearest friends I’ve ever had. I had no problems getting to the ordination from that point and I had such a wonderful time. Seeing my friends was soul-satisfying. I absolutely loved spending time with them. The ordination was beautiful and I was so glad I was able to be there.
As I left to head back to Logan, there was a part of me that wanted to drive on the freeway just until Highway 89 started and then take that the rest of the way. It was a lot less busy and a lot slower. But did that mean I wasn’t fully conquering my fear? As I got closer to the exit for Highway 89, I felt good about pulling off and going that route the rest of the way. As I came into Cache Valley later on that evening, I was very glad I had pulled off. It was clear that it had been raining again. When I pulled in my driveway, my parents met me at the door and told me they had been anxious for me because a bad thunderstorm had just passed and they could see black clouds over Sardine Canyon, where I was coming from. Because I had taken Highway 89, it had taken me longer to get to Brigham City and then to Sardine Canyon. Had I taken the freeway, I might have very likely hit that storm right as I was coming over the canyon and that would have terrified me.
As I sat at home safe and sound, I felt proud that I had faced my fear and grateful for such a special day. But there was also so much more. I thought about how facing your fears often begins with just the acknowledgement of a possibility, something you hadn’t really ever considered. I thought about how we are never alone, and how we can gain strength from legacy of those we come from. I thought about how Heavenly Father had not only encouraged me to face my fear, but had strengthened me and given me the power to do it. I thought about Bingham High School and how the Spirit had directed me to not worry about trying to figure everything out, but instead to focus on one familiar destination. Isn’t that like this journey we are all on? We know the end destination, where we want to be, but each journey is different. Heavenly Father sometimes directs all of us to destinations that are meant to help us take a breath, get our bearings and continue on. Going to the high school first probably added another 30 plus miles onto my trip, but who cares? And during my trip I made a wrong turn. During life I have made many wrong turns. But each time I have pulled over and consulted the ultimate GPS, aka, the Holy Ghost, I have been given directions based on where I am then. I am so grateful for repentance and the chance to get back on course.
I’m so grateful for a Heavenly Father who watches over me. I’m so grateful that he knows me so well and helps me in a kind and gentle way to overcome fear and doubt. I am so grateful for this extraordinary life that gives us so many opportunities. As one of my favorite authors Sarah Ban Breathnach says: “Life is full of wonderful surprises if we’re open to them. Some mornings you wake up not knowing what will happen during the day, and then you get to ride an elephant!”
Sunday, March 5, 2017
My father has said that one of the problems in the world is that nobody builds porches any more. There was magic in a big beautiful porch with comfortable chairs where friends and neighbors could sit for a spell and share a joy, a secret, or a trouble, along with a glass of lemonade. This image conjures up a longing for a more Mayberry-esque time. But surely the comfort, friendship and love felt in such an exchange depends very little on a physical structure built around a house, but instead on the welcoming porch that each of us can build around our heart.
In this beautiful book, “Only Love Today,” Rachel Macy Stafford invites everyone to come on up onto her porch as she shares her stories, her journeys and her heart with you. As you look out and enjoy the view, you will delight in each of the seasons of nature and the seasons of life and each of the unique and special gifts they bring. The book is divided into four sections, complementing each season of the year. There are no instructions to read a section each day. Skip to very last page if you like and then tomorrow, start at the middle. Let your heart be your guide.
The story of how the phrase “Only Love Today,” came to be is told in the book and it is a beautiful story. It became a treasured talisman for the author against the powers of the inner bully and against the power of hatred. In this book, there is no attempt to white-wash the sometimes harsh realities of life. This is no self-help book where you will find the perfect a+b=c equation for getting what you want out of life. But in those three simple words, Rachel reminds us, as Viktor Frankl once so eloquently did: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” In every moment, no matter what our circumstances may be, we can choose to feel love, express love, be love in all the ways that we can be.
I have followed Rachel’s blog for years now and in her I have found a sort of cyber big sister/neighbor/dear friend. That is the magic of Rachel Macy Stafford. Her heart and her presence are in her words. The image is the reality. You can trust her. As I was talking about this book to my parents the other night and reading them some of the underlined, starred, and tear-stained passages, these four words summed it all up, “She has changed me.”
So as Rachel would say, “Come as you are.” Come on up and join us here on the porch swing. Come learn about the power of “soul-building words” and seeing life as a “Noticer.” Come gain strength to share your stories and your heart with those who are or who would dearly love to be visitors to your own porch. Enjoy a glass of lemonade while you read and take a long, sweet, deep breath of the fresh air.
Thursday, November 24, 2016
Happy Thanksgiving! It has been a wonderful day! I saw this pie on Pinterest and thought it was so super cute, I had to give it a try. It was super fun!
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
I now present you with what Bert the chimney sweep would call "a doorway to enchantment." These rolls are hands down my new favorite. They are soft, buttery (uh, they should be with the amount of butter in them), feathery, flaky and literally melt in your mouth. I'm not kidding. I was very happy to find this recipe!
Friday, October 28, 2016
I really enjoyed this book! Sarah Ban Breathnach is one of my favorite authors. Her words inspire me. I wanted to read this book as part of my 101 things because I often have anxiety when it comes to financial matters and I wanted to get her perspective on financial serenity. There were many things I enjoyed about this book. First, Sarah has such a gentle touch. She teaches truths about managing money well but does it in a way that doesn’t make you feel stupid or that you can never ever have any wants in life. Another reason is because she draws on sage wisdom from the past, from old Good Housekeeping articles and Victorian authors. I love connections to the past. She also talks about filling your life with authentic and beautiful joys that don’t cost anything. Another reason is because she is so relatable. She is not some millionaire writing about money worries when she has none. As she writes this book, she is living with her sister and trying to rebuild her life after losing everything because of poor financial choices and a disastrous marriage. She “gets” her readers. She understands money woes and worries. If you are looking for financial serenity in your life, I can definitely recommend this book! While I still have a long way to go, I learned so much and am definitely closer to being where I want to be. While I was reading this book, I made the final payment on my credit card. Woohoo!
Sunday, September 11, 2016
It was in many ways, just like any normal Sunday. I had gone to BYC at 11, come home and made the announcement sheet for the Young Women, packed my Sunday bag and was back at the church 10 minutes to 1:00 in order to sit for a few minutes and prepare to take the Sacrament. The problem was, I was very far from feeling normal. I hope you will forgive me if I am being too personal. I have some very difficult issues with anxiety and depression, specifically I am one of the many women who experience Pre-menstrual Syndrome. There are moments when I can feel the anxiety in my chest, as though I were on top of a roller coaster ready to plunge straight down. There are moments when I am very sad and I cannot pinpoint a reason as to why. One thing that happens to me frequently during the cycle is that I feel as though I am failing in every aspect of my life and have disappointed everyone in my life and feel a desperate need to apologize. Anyway, I was feeling all those things as I sat down at church. Just five minutes before I had been pleading with the Lord to help me. There was a part of me that didn’t want to go to church today. I just wanted to stay home. But you know one of the main reasons why I go to church? Because it works. It’s as simple as that. Even in the midst of my anxiety and depression, I knew that I could go to church and hear some message that would help me. Even as I felt the anxiety get so bad just before the meeting started that I wanted to bolt, I stayed. As the meeting continued, I continued to pray for help, for something to happen that would restore my inner center, my sense of balance, and about half-way through the meeting, something did.
In all my inner struggles, I had almost forgotten what day it was. When the intermediate hymn was announced as “My Country Tis of Thee” I was a tad confused but then I remembered and as we stood to sing, something extraordinary happened to me. I thought about where I was on that day 15 years ago. I thought about the instant kinship I felt with the victims and their families as I watched TV, horrified. We were all brothers and sisters that day. “Let music swell the breeze, and ring from all the trees, sweet freedom’s song. Let mortal tongues awake; Let all that breathe partake. Let rocks their silence break. The sound prolong!” As I sang, I felt a new strength steadying me. I thought of the strength that shone through that darkest of days. I thought of the last words of love expressed to family members, of the policemen, firemen and other heroes whose heroism will never be forgotten, of the people on the other plane who decided that they would take a stand against evil and lose their own lives in the process. That strength is part of our heritage as Americans and members of the human race. It binds us together, and helps us find courage in our own inner battles. That is what this day means to me. That is what we can never forget. I never knew any of the people who died that day. But I love them and one day I hope to thank them for their legacy of faith and strength.
“Our fathers’ God to thee, Author of liberty, to thee we sing; Long may our land be bright. With freedom’s holy light. Protect us by thy might, Great God our king.” I close the hymn book and sit back down. There are tears in my eyes…but I can breathe now.
Picture from picsgroup.com