This was not
a story that actually happened at Easter, but it is a very precious one that
I’ve been thinking about all day. A few
years ago, I was looking through Facebook and saw a blog article posted about
challenges that single LDS people face.
I was curious to read it and see what another single LDS person had to
say about challenges they faced. Maybe I
would find a kindred spirit in the words.
I opened the article and started to read the different challenges. “Number 1: You are no one’s first priority.” As I read those words, a terrible, noxious
weed took root in my heart. I knew I had
many, many, people who loved and helped me, but it was true, I wasn’t anyone’s first
priority. I knew my friends loved me but
I felt I was bothering them if I needed them because they needed to focus on
their families. I felt the same way in
my own family, because each of my siblings had their families to focus on and I
knew my parents first priority is each other. For months I struggled with that
weed in my heart and the guilt I felt over feeling like I was being selfish
made it worse. I didn’t tell anyone how
I was feeling, but pleaded with the Lord to help me.
That summer,
I had the chance to participate in another girl’s camp. Those special experiences are always a
treasure to me. Having the chance to
serve my sweet girls and my friends all day made me feel better during the day but
I still struggled with my feelings at night and pleaded for help. The night of the testimony meeting, we had a
special guest speaker first. The talk
was about remaining optimistic during trials and was very powerful. I was feeling the Spirit as I walked through the
field toward the camp fire to start the testimony. It was dusk and the air was sweet and
cool. As I walked with my friend and
watched the girls walk together over the fire, suddenly an image flooded my
mind. It was an image of my Savior’s
hands reaching out to me. I could
clearly see the nail prints in his hands and the scripture came to my mind “Behold,
I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands.” And then a clear prompting came
to my mind and heart. “You are my first
priority, and so are all your brothers and sisters.” The thought overwhelmed me. I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t comprehend it. How could I be the Savior of the whole world’s
first priority along with all the people who have ever been? Could the
Atonement really be that individual and special? But even though I didn’t
understand, through the Holy Ghost I knew that it was true. I felt love fill my heart and root out that
noxious weed. It was a miracle. I looked around at the beautiful mountains,
the twinkling stars coming out in the silvery blue sky. I watched my wonderful girls walk together
and felt so much love for them. I looked
over at the faithful friend walking beside me and saw the rest of my dear
friends I serve with gathering together at the campfire. I thought of each member of my family, of my
Oregon home and all of my people there, my mission, my college life, and all of
the experiences, lessons, and people who have been a part of my life. I know the Lord loves me and is aware of me
because of all of those gifts he has given me.
That experience
was a few years ago. There have been
many times since then when I have slipped back into feeling sorry for myself
because of what I don’t have. But on
this wonderful holiday, I always remember that sweet little story of mine, of
the day when the Atonement became so real and personal to me. I know that Christ lives and that he is in
the details of our lives, because we are all individually his first
priority. I will be forever grateful.
Photo credit, Del Parson mormonartist.net 
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